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20 Things You Should NEVER Say to an OSHA Inspector on a Construction Site (by S. S. Saucerman)

1. “OSHA? Wheeww … I am SO glad you weren’t here last week!”


2. “Railing?”


3.“Why are you writing that down?”


4. “Well yes, I DO know how far a 3” framing nail from a nail gun will travel when you hold the safety all the way back? Why do you ask?”


5. “I don’t remember. I was pretty drunk.”


6. “I’ve got a better idea. Here’s a Benjamin for you and how ‘bouts we just forget this whole thing ever happened?”


7. “Oooooooh ... damn … sorry, I’ll bet that stung!”


8. “Wow, that your daughter in the car? 14? She seeing anybody?” 


9. “These are more ‘suggestions’ than codes … right?”


10.  “Holy cow, when did they start letting chicks become OSHA officers?”


11.  “Scaffold schmaffold!!”


12.  “You guys aren’t gonna’ be around – oh I dunno’ – like next Thursday between 1 and 3 o’clock, are ya’?


13.  “So then Jimmy bets Clem there’s no way he can get the whole thing in his mouth and then ...“


14.  “The other end should be tied-off? That explains so much … ”


15.  “... ohhh ... wait … I probably shouldn’t have said that ...”


16.  “Oh dude … check this out … I saw a coyote do it to a roadrunner last week on TV!”


17.  “Seriously … why do you keep writing things down?”


18.  “… well, yeah … for, ah … medicinal purposes.”


19.  “Sorry about that “dead possum on your head” crack earlier. I know those rugs can get pricey.”


20.  “Oh, MSDS stands for something! I thought I’d just been pronouncing it wrong.”

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